a mixed feelings..

last friday as i headed back to my kampung.. many, many things races through my head. i wish i could zip a dee doo daa straight to the south & skip the super tiring 6 hour drive.

the moment i saw her laying in front of the telly.. i wanted to burst into tears. but you know sick people really hates sympathy. it felt soooo good seeing her talking & all..

of course.. she didn't wanna eat. didn't wanna drink. she's stick thin & cold to the bone. garang lak tu. mampos ko kena hamun kalu paksa die makan. and she gets bored & pissed off easily too. i think some of it was because my mom is coming home with me (for her medical check ups). she asked if i'd let mama takes care of her. man i was an emotional wreck.

the worst was when she woke up the next morning.. and couldn't remember us.. and starts crying.. asking if she's dying..

"jagala laki baik2.. jangan ko marah dia.."
"sepupu2 jangan dengki.."

hearing those things just numbs me & reduced me to a gajillion tears. scary ok. after coaxing her to take some fresh air on her wheel chair.. she's fine again. i think it's the empty stomach & frustration that she could not sit and walk that causes it. it was also very scary when she said she saw many2 "things" around her. sheeshh..

after a couple pops of appeton (yes, it works on grannies too) .. she starts asking for drinks & food again. it improved from 2 tablespoon to 4.. to a whole cup.

now i know why mama has lost lots of weight during her stay in klg. mak consistently wakes up every hour, complaining of tummy aches or difficulties of breathing. or change of diapers. yes, i succeeded in doing so (yes, a very proud moment for me *LOL*). you need to be alert all the time. which, i failed. at some points of the night i woke up seeing my cousin is already massaging mak's back. then mama changing her. m like "huh?? how did that happen?".

i left my kampung with a heavy heart. she told me.. "nanti jangan lupa datang balik tau".. we're moving her back to her house after my uncle's done with the construction of her new room. which, i have been appointed as head nazi of the interior designing. which, then i found out.. the stuff in kluang are expy! mengarut!

i can't wait to return to kluang.. m still planning my escape..