self led..

has it been that long?? my last post was 27th july! well.. it has been a super crazy couple of months. which drained the hell out of me.

but i finally blogged again.. because.. mons has wean herself of the breast. by herself. and it has been a very emotional 3 days for me. with no one to turn to cos i dunno anyone who went through the same thing. sobs.

i did notice she was nursing a lot last week.. and the last few days all she does is bite, bite bite. so on monday night i sort of..sort screamed at her to stop biting or i'll stop breastfeeding her. she cried a bit. and that night everytime i tried nursing her, she'd cry her eyes out saying "nanakkk nanakkk noooo noooo"

she ended up sleeping at 5am that day. i tried again the next day.. and she still refuses me outright. which hurts. really bad. and she wasn't quiet herself with me. my mom told me she was kind of quiet, and was just hanging around her and hugging her a lot during the last 2 days.

tonight she's all huggy2 with me. and it made me wonder was it because of the meltdown we had on monday night..was she still sulking..? but she can't be that determined kan?

well.. she is. she would come up to me and say.."mimi (mommy), nak nen..(nenen)" and would stop mid sentence and says "tak, tak (no, no)". like, something triggered her that she shouldn't be doing this. it kills me to see that!

i know she saved me tonnes ..i cant sleep at night thinking how in the world am i going to wean her.. my friends are already tell me their horror weaning stories.. letak kunyit la.. kopi la.. segala bagai.. but when she self wean abruptly.. i felt totally rejected.

and tonight, she just hugged me.. and fell asleep.

sigh. emo gua minggu ni.